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I live in bitchtown, therefore I breathe
Aug. 21st, 2007 09:59 amThings I do NOT miss about Sweden
1. All the fucking hipsters, there are just as many in Sweden as in an equal sized metropolitan area in the US, but in Sweden THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!
2. While gay couples can marry in Sweden, they are not the beacons of diversity as their American brothers and sisters are, in Sweden they ALL LOOK THE SAME AS THE HIPSTERS!
(and whatever happens to older gays in Sweden? I don't know, I think they go underground and hide, or retire to a secret cult in the country side or something..)
3. To be diverse in Sweden is to not wear black or beige, or maybe...oh I dunnow, to sport a RED TIE, oh snap!
4. The translation of foreign (non anglosaxon) science fiction or fantasy BARELY exists in Sweden!
5. They put sugar in most Swedish bread, let me say that again: THEY PUT SUGAR OR SYRUP IN MOST SWEDISH BREAD!!
6. Middle aged or older people have a rough time dating in Sweden, it's like when you reach a certain age, it's expected of you to just stop having sex and prepare for DEATH.
In America I see seniors SNOGGING IN THE STREETS, okay.
7. The Restaurant personnel in Sweden are often graduates from the French restaurant school of aloof rudeness, it happens not so seldom that they look at you as if you're a lesser life-form who should be thankful for sitting at their table, waiting for them to notice you. That's what happens when a profession is too well paid and not dependent on tips, folks!
8. You can't sue anyone in Sweden for being an asshole or insulting you or damaging something yours. I mean..you can try, but you'll most likely not gain anything from it. Because no one hardly ever gets rich from suing, most Swedish lawyers are pretty pissy and not very helpful.
9. Bus drivers in Sweden. Oh lord, this is a chapter in itself, but compared to most bus drivers here in CO, the Swedish ones are OF THE DEVIL. They are rude, mean and often deliberately try to make you puke.
10. You can not, repeat can not just stop and chat with a stranger on a park-bench or in a line, in Sweden. If you do, you'll get taken away by nice men in white scrubs.
The exception comes for 1.5 month a year when there is a lot more sun in Sweden than any other part of the year, then suddenly everyone starts TALKING to everyone else and their dog...but come September you'd better know when to STOP, or they'll put you away in a staightjacket.
11. There is no sun between October and April, this makes people a tad bit inhibited and strange. The myth about the Swedish sin and debauchery sprung from two cultural/climatic effects: a) The lack of sun in those dark months resulted in all these blond ladies and gents going bonkers each spring and shedding all their clothes, dancing naked in the parks and fountains. b) The Sauna tradition, where lots of fat/skinny/old/young/men/women sit and sweat for hours and then run naked into the snow and spank each other with birch-branches. This however, very rarely leads to sex.
12. Lack of turkey meat products. This needs no further explanation, turkey is just rarer and more expensive in Sweden. Booo.
1. All the fucking hipsters, there are just as many in Sweden as in an equal sized metropolitan area in the US, but in Sweden THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!
2. While gay couples can marry in Sweden, they are not the beacons of diversity as their American brothers and sisters are, in Sweden they ALL LOOK THE SAME AS THE HIPSTERS!
(and whatever happens to older gays in Sweden? I don't know, I think they go underground and hide, or retire to a secret cult in the country side or something..)
3. To be diverse in Sweden is to not wear black or beige, or maybe...oh I dunnow, to sport a RED TIE, oh snap!
4. The translation of foreign (non anglosaxon) science fiction or fantasy BARELY exists in Sweden!
5. They put sugar in most Swedish bread, let me say that again: THEY PUT SUGAR OR SYRUP IN MOST SWEDISH BREAD!!
6. Middle aged or older people have a rough time dating in Sweden, it's like when you reach a certain age, it's expected of you to just stop having sex and prepare for DEATH.
In America I see seniors SNOGGING IN THE STREETS, okay.
7. The Restaurant personnel in Sweden are often graduates from the French restaurant school of aloof rudeness, it happens not so seldom that they look at you as if you're a lesser life-form who should be thankful for sitting at their table, waiting for them to notice you. That's what happens when a profession is too well paid and not dependent on tips, folks!
8. You can't sue anyone in Sweden for being an asshole or insulting you or damaging something yours. I mean..you can try, but you'll most likely not gain anything from it. Because no one hardly ever gets rich from suing, most Swedish lawyers are pretty pissy and not very helpful.
9. Bus drivers in Sweden. Oh lord, this is a chapter in itself, but compared to most bus drivers here in CO, the Swedish ones are OF THE DEVIL. They are rude, mean and often deliberately try to make you puke.
10. You can not, repeat can not just stop and chat with a stranger on a park-bench or in a line, in Sweden. If you do, you'll get taken away by nice men in white scrubs.
The exception comes for 1.5 month a year when there is a lot more sun in Sweden than any other part of the year, then suddenly everyone starts TALKING to everyone else and their dog...but come September you'd better know when to STOP, or they'll put you away in a staightjacket.
11. There is no sun between October and April, this makes people a tad bit inhibited and strange. The myth about the Swedish sin and debauchery sprung from two cultural/climatic effects: a) The lack of sun in those dark months resulted in all these blond ladies and gents going bonkers each spring and shedding all their clothes, dancing naked in the parks and fountains. b) The Sauna tradition, where lots of fat/skinny/old/young/men/women sit and sweat for hours and then run naked into the snow and spank each other with birch-branches. This however, very rarely leads to sex.
12. Lack of turkey meat products. This needs no further explanation, turkey is just rarer and more expensive in Sweden. Booo.
