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Okay, there really is no reason for me to see one more male asscrack while strolling through downtown Midwest America EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE!
I thought asscrack-flashing was a teenage thing, baggy pants, dude just has to show what kind of briefs he's wearing, and then his crevice. So okay, just be careful while looking at the behind of a high-school kid, avoid to look straight at it...kinda like an eclipse.
But then all these old duders come along parading their asscracks. These nasty sixtysomething hippies/rockers/bikers/street-bums who never took care of themselves, probably had too much fun with drugs 20 years ago and for some reason connected to this have to show me the backside of their moon frequently. And let me tell you it's hairy!
I am inventing and patenting magic anti-asscrack-sunshades now, if you put them on they will automatically filter out hairy buns, filthy crevices and attached underwear. Today I made the decision to develop this special magic device, since I was walking in downtown Denver, calm and serene, no bums, old bikers or street kids flashing me, and suddenly, WHAM, another asscrack!
This time from a well dressed dude in his thirties.
man...if I can't be safe from my own age-group even, then I'm never gonna be safe.
So, I dunnow, In Sweden asscracks are show by:
a) Some teenage kids
b) Hillbilly hobos in the countryside, also sporting mullets
But that's it.
Additionally, How to get fat fast in America:
1) Cheese in a can, apparently you're supposed to spray it on a cracker, or directly into your mouth (I have never tried it..but I wonder)
2) Not driving a car and realizing that you can die on certain roads, while biking or walking
3) Entering an ordinary supermarket and passing by their bakery section. COME ON! Do you have to have it all there on display?? In Sweden you have bakeries, and if you enter those you do it on your own risk, but in an ordinary store you'll just find a limited amount of fresh pastries. In the US they have pies, cobblers, cheese cakes, carrot cakes, muffins the size of Asia Minor and cookies which could feed a small African village..and it's all there, under your nose when you walk in to buy your shampoo or tea-bags.
4) They cheat, they put the candy and the cookies and the pastry not only in the bakery section, but everywhere..they spread it out here and there, so that I can suddenly run into Belgian chocolates when I'm looking for fresh catfish in the seafood isle!
5) Okay, the fucking HARDWARE STORE and OFFICE SUPPLY STORE?? Why why why do they have to sell candy there?? It's everywhere!!
6) And lastly, in a restaurant, when you order...um..you get a portion which could feed you, your brother, his cat and then some. And you have to try finishing it, right? Cause it's tasty, and your mom told you when you grew up, that starving children in other parts of the world would cry if you didn't finish your food. (today your mom tells you very different things about you and your food habits, but that's another story alltogether)
So, ahem..maybe it shows that I'm trying a diet before my parents come here in a month...
I thought asscrack-flashing was a teenage thing, baggy pants, dude just has to show what kind of briefs he's wearing, and then his crevice. So okay, just be careful while looking at the behind of a high-school kid, avoid to look straight at it...kinda like an eclipse.
But then all these old duders come along parading their asscracks. These nasty sixtysomething hippies/rockers/bikers/street-bums who never took care of themselves, probably had too much fun with drugs 20 years ago and for some reason connected to this have to show me the backside of their moon frequently. And let me tell you it's hairy!
I am inventing and patenting magic anti-asscrack-sunshades now, if you put them on they will automatically filter out hairy buns, filthy crevices and attached underwear. Today I made the decision to develop this special magic device, since I was walking in downtown Denver, calm and serene, no bums, old bikers or street kids flashing me, and suddenly, WHAM, another asscrack!
This time from a well dressed dude in his thirties.
man...if I can't be safe from my own age-group even, then I'm never gonna be safe.
So, I dunnow, In Sweden asscracks are show by:
a) Some teenage kids
b) Hillbilly hobos in the countryside, also sporting mullets
But that's it.
Additionally, How to get fat fast in America:
1) Cheese in a can, apparently you're supposed to spray it on a cracker, or directly into your mouth (I have never tried it..but I wonder)
2) Not driving a car and realizing that you can die on certain roads, while biking or walking
3) Entering an ordinary supermarket and passing by their bakery section. COME ON! Do you have to have it all there on display?? In Sweden you have bakeries, and if you enter those you do it on your own risk, but in an ordinary store you'll just find a limited amount of fresh pastries. In the US they have pies, cobblers, cheese cakes, carrot cakes, muffins the size of Asia Minor and cookies which could feed a small African village..and it's all there, under your nose when you walk in to buy your shampoo or tea-bags.
4) They cheat, they put the candy and the cookies and the pastry not only in the bakery section, but everywhere..they spread it out here and there, so that I can suddenly run into Belgian chocolates when I'm looking for fresh catfish in the seafood isle!
5) Okay, the fucking HARDWARE STORE and OFFICE SUPPLY STORE?? Why why why do they have to sell candy there?? It's everywhere!!
6) And lastly, in a restaurant, when you order...um..you get a portion which could feed you, your brother, his cat and then some. And you have to try finishing it, right? Cause it's tasty, and your mom told you when you grew up, that starving children in other parts of the world would cry if you didn't finish your food. (today your mom tells you very different things about you and your food habits, but that's another story alltogether)
So, ahem..maybe it shows that I'm trying a diet before my parents come here in a month...
