Holiday nullity

Ok..so I'm totally grossed out on christmas now. I hate walking through town (and my docs are not good enough for this winter, and have not really the money to spend on expensive shoes) I hate people in large groups, and the que-mentality freaks me out. The music is bad, and I hate *stuff*...or the buying of stuff. I don't want to buy anything, or give away anything, or get anything...I actually want to blow shit up. Poor flatmate B had to witness the first mood swing I've had in months. He's known me for several years, but we've only shared flat for 4 months, and he was all "sit down, I'll bring you something to drink, don't jam your hand into the wall again" -kind of worried. Yeah. It kind of surprised me too. There are probably reasons why I hate it X-tra much this year. Assets, things, stuff gives me anxiety. I stored and gave away most of my things and only brought with me the most personal and necessary to furniture and use in daily life. The only hard part was the books. I cried when I packed those down for storage, it was like f***ing Sophies' choice. I cried more over the hundreds of books than over my ex this summer. I am disturbed. Maybe the icon should read Fuckwit instead of Dimwit.