![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
What's your version of hell?
Dec. 7th, 2002 10:43 pmBlargh! I am going on a plane again to visit my parents in about a month. The weekend after new years. Normally I visit them twice a year, and that's it. This is a small price to pay for not going south during christmas though. I wonder how to write stuff like this without sounding cruel in a personal on non-detached way...hm..maybe if I got cultural on the subject..
I know Sartres vision of Hell, and also Dantes...my version is somewhere in between, but closer to Jean-Pauls...actually it's a Fielding version (the modern female Fielding)...It's a Bridget Jones version of hell. I wake up, still a grown up but semi young and semi intelligent woman, but suddenly dressed for eternity in a pastel colored flannel pajamas, dwelling in my parents house, listening to twisted visions of my person and life situation, remembering sordid old wounds, battle scars, mental and emotional infections and badness in general. This is my vision of hell (and I know that living in war and starvation infested parts of the world must be a lot worse, but I'm talking about a *personal* vision here..)
Well, I have to sort out some banking and legal matters, so might as well get it over with. It's a month until I'll go, but already I get cold sweat sometime when I think about it. If I only felt a little better. I don't exactly feel bad, but not good either. Last time in september I sort of almost lost it...well I kind of did, but not until they left the airport, I barely held together until then. And during those two days I got help from M/Z, Stardream 42, Chris and actually my ex, who remembered and called. I have no idea if this time will be harder or easier. At least they don't know my address or phone number, just the cell phone. (I'll keep it like that for as long as I can) Gawd! I sound like a pathetic teenager!
I know Sartres vision of Hell, and also Dantes...my version is somewhere in between, but closer to Jean-Pauls...actually it's a Fielding version (the modern female Fielding)...It's a Bridget Jones version of hell. I wake up, still a grown up but semi young and semi intelligent woman, but suddenly dressed for eternity in a pastel colored flannel pajamas, dwelling in my parents house, listening to twisted visions of my person and life situation, remembering sordid old wounds, battle scars, mental and emotional infections and badness in general. This is my vision of hell (and I know that living in war and starvation infested parts of the world must be a lot worse, but I'm talking about a *personal* vision here..)
Well, I have to sort out some banking and legal matters, so might as well get it over with. It's a month until I'll go, but already I get cold sweat sometime when I think about it. If I only felt a little better. I don't exactly feel bad, but not good either. Last time in september I sort of almost lost it...well I kind of did, but not until they left the airport, I barely held together until then. And during those two days I got help from M/Z, Stardream 42, Chris and actually my ex, who remembered and called. I have no idea if this time will be harder or easier. At least they don't know my address or phone number, just the cell phone. (I'll keep it like that for as long as I can) Gawd! I sound like a pathetic teenager!
