I'm not dead, I just can't talk
Feb. 3rd, 2009 03:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seal3 weeks with this bug. 3 FRIGGING WEEKS!
I literally have no voice, if I drink gallons of hot tea, I can talk in hoarse exhales for half an hour. It sounds dreadful, and it's been so long.
Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment...he'd better take me seriously and give me drugs, but for some reason I'm afraid he'll blow me off and tell me to REST. If I rest more, I'll become an inanimate object. I almost hope it's pneumonia, because that's treatable and understandable.
Anyways, I've done that 25 thing meme that goes around here and on facebook. God I sound critical and stingy in my opinions, still, I'd rather have that than some meek alternative. The meek will NOT inherit the earth, not if I have anything to say about it. Of course I'd have to have a VOICE to say anything about anything.
In addition to the people I tagged on facebook, and who I hope will cross-post, I tag![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pierson, northernveil, tommdroid, jlsjlsjls, anotheranon, mojodragonfly, darquis, dust_rat, tooticky, usuakari, zombienought, lazip, striver, yathin, cienna and piratejenny1. I loved to read what others wrote, but it was exhausting to write this.
Here goes:
Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I love far far more than I hate; phenomena, things, people - but I do hate some things, and my pet peeve is when someone says that they never hate anything. I tend to view those people as deeply alien and insincere, to themselves and to the world.
2. I think that there are such things as destructive feelings, but that this is connected to how much room or energy those feelings take from you, not with what type of feeling it is in itself. There is, IMO not such a thing as a "bad" feeling per se, as long as the individual having it is aware and in control.
3. Screw Pollyanna (by Eleanor H Porter), she's the most overrated children's book- character ever. People who have her as a role model are the cause of world misery.
4. When I was a small kid, the thing I wished for most was a brother - paradoxically enough an OLDER brother, who could protect me from the antiques of my parents. Now that I'm grown up I've sometimes wished for a sister, but when I stop and think about this I realize that I have several sister-like women in my life.
5. I've been accused of being too soft, too hard, too bold and too lenient. It seems I'm a person who people like to have opinions about, is my conclusion about all this. Better that than being boring I guess...
6. I currently work for a site called ABC-teach. I write book lessons for children and young adult books, and I love it. I'm currently working on Coraline and Stardust by Neil Gaiman, which is way too much fun to really get payed for. I have a steady and warm feeling of gratitude toward my editor, for giving me this chance.
7. I was one of those kids who taught myself how to read way before school going age. I've noticed that many such kids tend to make a huge deal out of this when they grow up, using it as proof of their intelligence and literacy, and I disagree on that. I've meet individuals as intelligent as I am, or even smarter (if that is possible!) who learned to read fairly late. Basically I think, at large, it comes down to how a child uses her intelligence, and on some other important key factors, such as good storytelling in the child's environment, good book availability, enough quiet time, etc etc.
8. I'm a very decent chef - particularly when it comes to improvising.
9. My father has a precognitive skill, which I have partially inherited. He told me that an ex of mine would fail me, and why, years before it happened, and he also told me that I'll probably not have kids. He is very particular with saying that these things are not set in stone however, and keeps pressuring me to produce a grandchild because of this.
The thing with these precognitions which I have inherited, is that they never really benefit the person who has them, it's rather a way of sensing how other people and situations will lean, way before it happens. It is also a very imbalanced skill, there is no way of controlling these tendencies.
10. When I was young I was a fantastic storyteller, and I loved it more than anything else. Today I don't do it much, and I miss it.
11. The only prizes I have ever won have been for poetry.
12. I think I want to be brave more than anything else in life, and I get very suspicious when things go too easily or people adopt a stance too flippantly.
13. People usually think I'm very social and a classical extrovert, they get surprised to notice that the reality is a bit different from that.
14. I'm a caretaker personality, and it can be exhausting. I do however look with great fondness on other caretaker personalities that do a better job than I would ever do, with this trait.
15. A person who has known me for a long time once said that the best thing with me were my friends. It sounds like a dubious compliment, but I think I understand what she meant, and I do agree with it.
16. I'm spiritual and I love genuine spirituality in other people - but I'm also wary, due to the fact that so much that passes for spirituality is something else; therapy, power hunger, desperation and depression. On the other hand, people can have their ideas and call them whatever they want, as long as they don't try to influence other people with their own muddled tendencies.
17. I have two god daughters and I love them both, it's just funny that there are twelve years between them. I don't particularly understand what it takes to be a godmother, but I buy books and jewelry for the older one, and email with her frequently (she lives in Sweden), I think I want to make her feel super special, which she is. And the younger one is just this adorable baby girl, we'll see what I can do for her in the future.
18. I'm incredibly loyal. There are a few certain ways of losing my loyalty, but also quite a few ways to re-build it. I've learned that most people are lazy and cowardly when it comes to relationships, even such relationships they claim are important to them. That always makes me feel lonely and unreal. On the other hand, there will always be individuals who show amazing devotion, bravery and empathy. The older I get, the more I leave fair weather acquaintances by the roadside with a friendly nod, it's easier that way.
19. I am lengthy, it's hard for me to be brief and breezy.
20. I'm a typical Libra in certain aspects, for instance, in a discussion I can take different sides of a matter, just to understand those sides. It's not the same as playing devil's advocate, it's just a way of deepening my own understanding. On the other hand I can be very idealistic and bound by personal ethics - which in this context becomes a bit exhausting.
21. God I feel precious and ridiculous, talking this much about myself.
22. Smells are important to me, every person I've loved has had a pleasant smell to me, and the Geek (my husband) has the best smell in the world.
23. The two people I feel the closest to in the States, and who I frequently eat meals with, are vegetarians, while I love meat. Some other close people are on really weird diets. Food sure is more complicated in the US - but at least no one is a fucking vegan.
24. I'm a game nerd, and I love gaming, but the only game I'm truly adept at is roleplaying. But I'm happy to lose otherwise.
25. I love animals, but I could not for my life choose between cats and dogs. I love both, and some rodents, birds and horses in addition to that. I used to have rabbits and birds when I grew up, later I had cats, tended horses and dogs. I miss animals often, but for some reason the people I've lived with have often been allergic to fur and feather.
I literally have no voice, if I drink gallons of hot tea, I can talk in hoarse exhales for half an hour. It sounds dreadful, and it's been so long.
Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment...he'd better take me seriously and give me drugs, but for some reason I'm afraid he'll blow me off and tell me to REST. If I rest more, I'll become an inanimate object. I almost hope it's pneumonia, because that's treatable and understandable.
Anyways, I've done that 25 thing meme that goes around here and on facebook. God I sound critical and stingy in my opinions, still, I'd rather have that than some meek alternative. The meek will NOT inherit the earth, not if I have anything to say about it. Of course I'd have to have a VOICE to say anything about anything.
In addition to the people I tagged on facebook, and who I hope will cross-post, I tag
pierson, northernveil, tommdroid, jlsjlsjls, anotheranon, mojodragonfly, darquis, dust_rat, tooticky, usuakari, zombienought, lazip, striver, yathin, cienna and piratejenny1. I loved to read what others wrote, but it was exhausting to write this.Here goes:
Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I love far far more than I hate; phenomena, things, people - but I do hate some things, and my pet peeve is when someone says that they never hate anything. I tend to view those people as deeply alien and insincere, to themselves and to the world.
2. I think that there are such things as destructive feelings, but that this is connected to how much room or energy those feelings take from you, not with what type of feeling it is in itself. There is, IMO not such a thing as a "bad" feeling per se, as long as the individual having it is aware and in control.
3. Screw Pollyanna (by Eleanor H Porter), she's the most overrated children's book- character ever. People who have her as a role model are the cause of world misery.
4. When I was a small kid, the thing I wished for most was a brother - paradoxically enough an OLDER brother, who could protect me from the antiques of my parents. Now that I'm grown up I've sometimes wished for a sister, but when I stop and think about this I realize that I have several sister-like women in my life.
5. I've been accused of being too soft, too hard, too bold and too lenient. It seems I'm a person who people like to have opinions about, is my conclusion about all this. Better that than being boring I guess...
6. I currently work for a site called ABC-teach. I write book lessons for children and young adult books, and I love it. I'm currently working on Coraline and Stardust by Neil Gaiman, which is way too much fun to really get payed for. I have a steady and warm feeling of gratitude toward my editor, for giving me this chance.
7. I was one of those kids who taught myself how to read way before school going age. I've noticed that many such kids tend to make a huge deal out of this when they grow up, using it as proof of their intelligence and literacy, and I disagree on that. I've meet individuals as intelligent as I am, or even smarter (if that is possible!) who learned to read fairly late. Basically I think, at large, it comes down to how a child uses her intelligence, and on some other important key factors, such as good storytelling in the child's environment, good book availability, enough quiet time, etc etc.
8. I'm a very decent chef - particularly when it comes to improvising.
9. My father has a precognitive skill, which I have partially inherited. He told me that an ex of mine would fail me, and why, years before it happened, and he also told me that I'll probably not have kids. He is very particular with saying that these things are not set in stone however, and keeps pressuring me to produce a grandchild because of this.
The thing with these precognitions which I have inherited, is that they never really benefit the person who has them, it's rather a way of sensing how other people and situations will lean, way before it happens. It is also a very imbalanced skill, there is no way of controlling these tendencies.
10. When I was young I was a fantastic storyteller, and I loved it more than anything else. Today I don't do it much, and I miss it.
11. The only prizes I have ever won have been for poetry.
12. I think I want to be brave more than anything else in life, and I get very suspicious when things go too easily or people adopt a stance too flippantly.
13. People usually think I'm very social and a classical extrovert, they get surprised to notice that the reality is a bit different from that.
14. I'm a caretaker personality, and it can be exhausting. I do however look with great fondness on other caretaker personalities that do a better job than I would ever do, with this trait.
15. A person who has known me for a long time once said that the best thing with me were my friends. It sounds like a dubious compliment, but I think I understand what she meant, and I do agree with it.
16. I'm spiritual and I love genuine spirituality in other people - but I'm also wary, due to the fact that so much that passes for spirituality is something else; therapy, power hunger, desperation and depression. On the other hand, people can have their ideas and call them whatever they want, as long as they don't try to influence other people with their own muddled tendencies.
17. I have two god daughters and I love them both, it's just funny that there are twelve years between them. I don't particularly understand what it takes to be a godmother, but I buy books and jewelry for the older one, and email with her frequently (she lives in Sweden), I think I want to make her feel super special, which she is. And the younger one is just this adorable baby girl, we'll see what I can do for her in the future.
18. I'm incredibly loyal. There are a few certain ways of losing my loyalty, but also quite a few ways to re-build it. I've learned that most people are lazy and cowardly when it comes to relationships, even such relationships they claim are important to them. That always makes me feel lonely and unreal. On the other hand, there will always be individuals who show amazing devotion, bravery and empathy. The older I get, the more I leave fair weather acquaintances by the roadside with a friendly nod, it's easier that way.
19. I am lengthy, it's hard for me to be brief and breezy.
20. I'm a typical Libra in certain aspects, for instance, in a discussion I can take different sides of a matter, just to understand those sides. It's not the same as playing devil's advocate, it's just a way of deepening my own understanding. On the other hand I can be very idealistic and bound by personal ethics - which in this context becomes a bit exhausting.
21. God I feel precious and ridiculous, talking this much about myself.
22. Smells are important to me, every person I've loved has had a pleasant smell to me, and the Geek (my husband) has the best smell in the world.
23. The two people I feel the closest to in the States, and who I frequently eat meals with, are vegetarians, while I love meat. Some other close people are on really weird diets. Food sure is more complicated in the US - but at least no one is a fucking vegan.
24. I'm a game nerd, and I love gaming, but the only game I'm truly adept at is roleplaying. But I'm happy to lose otherwise.
25. I love animals, but I could not for my life choose between cats and dogs. I love both, and some rodents, birds and horses in addition to that. I used to have rabbits and birds when I grew up, later I had cats, tended horses and dogs. I miss animals often, but for some reason the people I've lived with have often been allergic to fur and feather.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 10:38 pm (UTC)I'm gonna do this.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 10:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 10:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 11:02 pm (UTC)#s 1-3 = I kind of fit what you're talking about here (I have entries in my 25 that align very closely with this), so let me clarify my feelings. Re # 1, I hate intolerance, injustice, epic stupidity, etc., but I don't hate people at all. It's both a philosophical stance and a personal health stance -- hate takes too much work -- and it generates (for me at least) physically and emotionally destructive energy; I replace it with indifference to the person(s) in question. Re:#2 I see what you're saying, and maybe it's just a question of semantics. I believe anger can be channelled towards positive change, but it must be controlled/directed that way, at which point, for me personally, it is no longer anger. And re:#3, while Polyanna certainly isn't my role model (and I wouldn't recommend her as one), I don't think unchecked optimism is any more destructive than unchecked cycnicism/pessimism, and, in my experience, it does lead to more happiness and better health.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-03 11:27 pm (UTC)I didn't mean you!!
Date: 2009-02-03 11:48 pm (UTC)Also, I do believe that anger, as an initial feeling, transformable into other feelings, is needed in moderate doses in order to create change.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 12:24 am (UTC)I do see where you're coming from when it comes to uncontrolled anger/hate, and just as any feeling that has a strong vibe, it's dangerous and in constant risk of becoming a destructive addiction.
However, these feelings are also natural..and I've seen some really destructive results from surpressing or denying them as well - which, I guess, is the point I was trying to make.
It may not help that I'm fairly frustrated from inactivity and immobility, and thus a bit more bitchy in tone, in this meme ;)
While anger and hate is the cause of world misery - passivity and denial of those same passions is the reason why we allow world misery, to put it in some global perspective.
I do however believe that when a person is aware, and has reached a personal and satisfactory way of living in harmony and honesty with what they have and what they feel, then that person is living and walking the good read road, so to speak.
:-)
Date: 2009-02-04 12:46 am (UTC)I agree that anger and passion, when well-directed are needed to push needed changes, and the danger with a happy-go-lucky outlook is passivity or a willingness to let real injustice go unchecked. And certainly, on a personal level, denial/swallowing anger or other strong emotion can be more destructive than expressing it.
Hugs!
Re: :-)
Date: 2009-02-04 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 02:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 12:58 pm (UTC)I was hoping you were still working for the
book people. You get to do the best books!
I think you are incredibly lucky, really,
with that job.
I believe you won prizes for poetry. I miss
your poetry.
You know I was getting pretty close to vegan-
ism there before I decided to eat fish on
occasion for my health? :P
I don't think I'll do this meme, sorry. I
think I've had about all the disclosure I
can take, recently. :P
no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 01:28 pm (UTC)Sorry about the disclosure feelings, I can relate to that, so no pressure.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 01:40 pm (UTC)mostly just doing stir-fries and wraps and
breads and simple soups. Maybe I'm thinking
of pre-badtimes. I guess I never did give up
the chocolate, though. Maybe I'm full of
crap, and just always *wished* I could be
vegan. :P It's funny, though, now that I
eat fish on occasion, I'm far more content
to eat more veganishly the rest of the time.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 02:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 07:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 07:20 pm (UTC)i might do the 25 things but it'll take me some time to think of them. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-02-04 07:33 pm (UTC)(about the illness, apparently there's more to it than that, in my case...)
no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 04:42 am (UTC)Also, your job sounds wonderful. I'm vaguely jealous. No, not vaguely. Just jealous. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-02-05 05:00 pm (UTC)