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Poetry in motion
Jul. 23rd, 2006 09:27 pmLately when I've gone hiking two things have followed me around. One is a knee-brace so the floppy muscle in my knee, currently stiff and weak, won't wobble to the side and make me fold sideways like a noodle. Terribly creepy, oddly enough not very painful...just wrong. I don't limp anymore, but neither can I kneel properly yet.
And the second follower have been a bouquet of worst-case scenario thoughts haranguing around in my brain. It starts where the creek bends and follows me all the way home where it may or may not dissipate.
I'm not very excited by this pessimism, neither when it comes to the world nor to my personal life and the crosspoint I'm at. And I have learned to recognize since I was a kid and did this frequently, the art of EEor-ism, which basically means to babble out worst case scenarios in order to ware them off like a superstitious litany that won't come true if you precede it and are not caught off guard by it.
But it's very draining, and not a great hobby to have when looking for jobs. There are a number of things in my life that need to come together in the next couple of years, or else I'll have to see me defeated when it comes to these dreams and wishes at least, and I mull over this quite a lot.
Maybe I'll write more about that shit later, my point is still that I have been a crazy lady on my walks lately. The first half of my walk is pretty solitary, it's fields and water and semi-wilderness with the mountains as a pretty awesome background, the last half hour of walking however, is among houses, a very calm neighborhood but nevertheless civilized. So on the first part I talk to myself, the world, imaginary friends and whomever wants to listen (mostly rodents and birds), I walk on muttering like a true crazy lady and sometimes I make gestures with my hands and shake my head. If an occasional and random mountain biker or dog-walker approaches I hear them from far away and stop, at least usually.
Oh and, my babbles are in Swedish of course, so, I would be perceived as quite insane, but my secrets would still be safe.
A few times the mutterings have been going on even when I reach the inhabited area among the houses, I grow quieter and more careful, but some things just have to come out, and it's a very calm area with few people around even if there are houses.
So today, on a particularly hot and suffocating day where all the dogs had sad hanging jowls and no joggers dared to tread my paths, I entertained a particularly juicy set of EEorisms on my walk. And continued to mutter on the last part of my hike among the houses. I had literally almost worked myself up to a state of tears when the world stopped.
There was this garden I was passing by, and the owner had let this pretty little piece of wilderness go in a charming way, so a particular kind of bell-shaped dark-pink flower had taken over. And among these bells, just a few feet from me was the largest hummingbird I have ever seen.
Only on one occasion before have I seen real live hummingbirds, and then they were so small, and further away, much more easily scared...but this one, it was as if he was looking right at me, he was unusually big for such a creature, almost the size of a small plum, and I could see his sharp beak and his black eyes. He continued to hover around me, sucking from the flowers, giving me several cameo moments of classical hummingbird and flower silhouette. And then he turned his little emerald ass at me and leisurely buzzed away. But I had a full 5-7 minutes of hummingbird joy.
You guys, I'm a total devoted hippie after this meeting. This is this land's way of telling me to take courage and that there is something meaningful in here among these mountains, and no one will tell me otherwise.
Would a total loser be courted by such a fine little bugger? No, I think not.
Plus, I've forgotten most of the EEorisms. I'm sure they're stored somewhere, but who cares, I'll wait to dig them out until I have at least failed my first interview.
And the second follower have been a bouquet of worst-case scenario thoughts haranguing around in my brain. It starts where the creek bends and follows me all the way home where it may or may not dissipate.
I'm not very excited by this pessimism, neither when it comes to the world nor to my personal life and the crosspoint I'm at. And I have learned to recognize since I was a kid and did this frequently, the art of EEor-ism, which basically means to babble out worst case scenarios in order to ware them off like a superstitious litany that won't come true if you precede it and are not caught off guard by it.
But it's very draining, and not a great hobby to have when looking for jobs. There are a number of things in my life that need to come together in the next couple of years, or else I'll have to see me defeated when it comes to these dreams and wishes at least, and I mull over this quite a lot.
Maybe I'll write more about that shit later, my point is still that I have been a crazy lady on my walks lately. The first half of my walk is pretty solitary, it's fields and water and semi-wilderness with the mountains as a pretty awesome background, the last half hour of walking however, is among houses, a very calm neighborhood but nevertheless civilized. So on the first part I talk to myself, the world, imaginary friends and whomever wants to listen (mostly rodents and birds), I walk on muttering like a true crazy lady and sometimes I make gestures with my hands and shake my head. If an occasional and random mountain biker or dog-walker approaches I hear them from far away and stop, at least usually.
Oh and, my babbles are in Swedish of course, so, I would be perceived as quite insane, but my secrets would still be safe.
A few times the mutterings have been going on even when I reach the inhabited area among the houses, I grow quieter and more careful, but some things just have to come out, and it's a very calm area with few people around even if there are houses.
So today, on a particularly hot and suffocating day where all the dogs had sad hanging jowls and no joggers dared to tread my paths, I entertained a particularly juicy set of EEorisms on my walk. And continued to mutter on the last part of my hike among the houses. I had literally almost worked myself up to a state of tears when the world stopped.
There was this garden I was passing by, and the owner had let this pretty little piece of wilderness go in a charming way, so a particular kind of bell-shaped dark-pink flower had taken over. And among these bells, just a few feet from me was the largest hummingbird I have ever seen.
Only on one occasion before have I seen real live hummingbirds, and then they were so small, and further away, much more easily scared...but this one, it was as if he was looking right at me, he was unusually big for such a creature, almost the size of a small plum, and I could see his sharp beak and his black eyes. He continued to hover around me, sucking from the flowers, giving me several cameo moments of classical hummingbird and flower silhouette. And then he turned his little emerald ass at me and leisurely buzzed away. But I had a full 5-7 minutes of hummingbird joy.
You guys, I'm a total devoted hippie after this meeting. This is this land's way of telling me to take courage and that there is something meaningful in here among these mountains, and no one will tell me otherwise.
Would a total loser be courted by such a fine little bugger? No, I think not.
Plus, I've forgotten most of the EEorisms. I'm sure they're stored somewhere, but who cares, I'll wait to dig them out until I have at least failed my first interview.
