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small evolutionary leaps
Jan. 1st, 2005 09:09 pmSo...what have I learned during the past year?
Well...the art of internet banking and the moving of money here and about and the mastering of passwords and cheques is now not a frightening mystery anymore.
I will however always mostly be the girl who fumbles with cash and drops it out of the holes in my pockets or has it scrambling around in my big bag along with nasal spray, napkins, pocket books, mini tape recorders, luck medallions, herbal tea, notebooks, a million pens (mostly stolen in sheer absent mindedness), soda bottles, candy, feminine sanitary items in fuckbrain pastel colors, keys, passport and photos of dead cats.
I have not mastered the art of having a smaller bag yet.
I have grown to like herbal tea, I know a tiiny bit more about html and php than I did in 2003 (it's not mandarin sign language to me anymore!)
I have an american and not british accent anymore, and I rule at go cart!
I can bake! I make saffron bread, key lime pies and whatnot.
I have not learned to make money increase instead of decrease in my life. I have not learned to hold my tongue when I should and talk when I should. This is very hard...kind of like becoming a shaolin master. For me at least.
But I have learned how to meditate a bit more successfully, and I am in training to become more humble...because the more I look around the more I fear it is an art on its way to extinction.
I am humbled when I see the bravery and misery in the world..not just far away, but also closer around me, people who struggle and do very hard things both for themselves and others.
....and then I see a fuckwit and lose my zen and my tongue turns black and my nostrils flare.
anyway...about zen. There is this cheesecake that you could eat directly from a dog pissed sidewalk. Yes - it's that good!
But you...erhm...gain a few pounds from it (the cake obviously, not anything else on the sidewalk!)...
and when you spot these pound...your Zen remarkably increases when a favorite geek of yours tells you that you are beautiful...and that Asia minor...erhm, that is your butt..is nice.
I believe that you can evolve through shallow into deep during the pursue of Zen.
Mostly I have learned...during the past two years maybe, that I am fortunate, even when things are tough. I'm fully aware of this, always.
I don't think I was as aware before, and I don't think I want to be like that anymore (unaware).
In a week I'll go back to Sweden, and move out of my tiny space...to live in two suitcases, with friends. A true gypsy once more. And then, on the 14 th of February I'll return to Colorado...finally with a proper work training visa...and WORK!
Also...I got some more time with my thesis. It seems all my four classmates have mailed my professor asking for that, due to various difficulties, and also my professor recognizes the specific oddities I've had to face, writing about a place from the outside, when I was supposed to be working from the inside and describing that.
Still, I need to be less of a lazy sap in the future year.
More focused...and just...you know...there.
jeez, I'd better straighten out my universe and time lines!
Well...the art of internet banking and the moving of money here and about and the mastering of passwords and cheques is now not a frightening mystery anymore.
I will however always mostly be the girl who fumbles with cash and drops it out of the holes in my pockets or has it scrambling around in my big bag along with nasal spray, napkins, pocket books, mini tape recorders, luck medallions, herbal tea, notebooks, a million pens (mostly stolen in sheer absent mindedness), soda bottles, candy, feminine sanitary items in fuckbrain pastel colors, keys, passport and photos of dead cats.
I have not mastered the art of having a smaller bag yet.
I have grown to like herbal tea, I know a tiiny bit more about html and php than I did in 2003 (it's not mandarin sign language to me anymore!)
I have an american and not british accent anymore, and I rule at go cart!
I can bake! I make saffron bread, key lime pies and whatnot.
I have not learned to make money increase instead of decrease in my life. I have not learned to hold my tongue when I should and talk when I should. This is very hard...kind of like becoming a shaolin master. For me at least.
But I have learned how to meditate a bit more successfully, and I am in training to become more humble...because the more I look around the more I fear it is an art on its way to extinction.
I am humbled when I see the bravery and misery in the world..not just far away, but also closer around me, people who struggle and do very hard things both for themselves and others.
....and then I see a fuckwit and lose my zen and my tongue turns black and my nostrils flare.
anyway...about zen. There is this cheesecake that you could eat directly from a dog pissed sidewalk. Yes - it's that good!
But you...erhm...gain a few pounds from it (the cake obviously, not anything else on the sidewalk!)...
and when you spot these pound...your Zen remarkably increases when a favorite geek of yours tells you that you are beautiful...and that Asia minor...erhm, that is your butt..is nice.
I believe that you can evolve through shallow into deep during the pursue of Zen.
Mostly I have learned...during the past two years maybe, that I am fortunate, even when things are tough. I'm fully aware of this, always.
I don't think I was as aware before, and I don't think I want to be like that anymore (unaware).
In a week I'll go back to Sweden, and move out of my tiny space...to live in two suitcases, with friends. A true gypsy once more. And then, on the 14 th of February I'll return to Colorado...finally with a proper work training visa...and WORK!
Also...I got some more time with my thesis. It seems all my four classmates have mailed my professor asking for that, due to various difficulties, and also my professor recognizes the specific oddities I've had to face, writing about a place from the outside, when I was supposed to be working from the inside and describing that.
Still, I need to be less of a lazy sap in the future year.
More focused...and just...you know...there.
jeez, I'd better straighten out my universe and time lines!
