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Blahs and Yahs of the month
Dec. 7th, 2004 08:30 pmI am not myself right now, there are signs.
For instance, last night I dreamed that I was a rather common looking (but long legged!) asian woman in a beige/brown kind of outfit, and two men, both caucasian (and no one I know!) were fondling me. One of them was my husband in the dream. Yeah. I almost never dream that I am another person.
Another sign: I did some feeble attempts at Christmas shopping a couple of days ago. Normally I love finding little things for people I like...but that icy slippery day I just wandered without any vision. All the pretty glistening things were just pretty at a distance, as soon as I came close enough it was as if I was wearing ugly-spectacles.
And then, when I was strolling the Boulder Arts and Crafts store this clerk started to chat in a flirty way...telling me that red heads with my specific kind of hair get a discount, and what a cute green coat I was wearing, and was it suede? blah blah. Eh.
See...in Sweden, if you don't look like Milla Jovovic fresh from a sauna, the dude'd have to be on drugs to pay you a compliment, not to mention chat you up in a store.
I glanced down at my old worn leather bag I had with me that day (rather huge and hippie like, to carry presents in) and at my salt stained boots, and my green woolen gloves had genuine holes in them...so I discounted the option of him thinking me rich.
So I guess he wanted to sell me something and thought I looked nice. And I couldn't deal with that. If anyone gives crash courses in how to receive a compliment, please share.
I fled the store as soon as possible.
And I ate chinese food from an excellent restaurant the other night and my body repelled it like a regular exorcism. I spent the night in the bathroom flipping my head around, getting rid of Family happiness and reciting the latin names of demons.
Do you need more signs that my world as I know it is ending?
My mom has faith in me and I have not. (see...it used to be the other way around, always. Now she's asking me for advice) B-man wrote me a letter commanding me that we (me and the geek) should start a revolution in the US...and that he got a GOOD JOB! (congrats sweets!)...and I'll attend my first girl/girl wedding in February! (here be room for exclamations of enthusiasm!!!)
And then I look at my notes and realize that my thesis will be crap.
I hope this is the last thesis I ever write. I'm just not...a true academic. I fake it all the time, I even copy expressions from books to sound more clever!
The geek is studying for finals...I'm not writing thesis. Like a child watching an oncoming train I stare fascinated at my own disgrace approaching. I...feel every second..still able to change the picture...still able to make it..sort of...still time...still time...and...
So, um...anyone seen any good films recently? Listened to any good bands? Done something awesome? No? Yes?
Share, do share please. I'm in a true mood for sharing.
For instance, last night I dreamed that I was a rather common looking (but long legged!) asian woman in a beige/brown kind of outfit, and two men, both caucasian (and no one I know!) were fondling me. One of them was my husband in the dream. Yeah. I almost never dream that I am another person.
Another sign: I did some feeble attempts at Christmas shopping a couple of days ago. Normally I love finding little things for people I like...but that icy slippery day I just wandered without any vision. All the pretty glistening things were just pretty at a distance, as soon as I came close enough it was as if I was wearing ugly-spectacles.
And then, when I was strolling the Boulder Arts and Crafts store this clerk started to chat in a flirty way...telling me that red heads with my specific kind of hair get a discount, and what a cute green coat I was wearing, and was it suede? blah blah. Eh.
See...in Sweden, if you don't look like Milla Jovovic fresh from a sauna, the dude'd have to be on drugs to pay you a compliment, not to mention chat you up in a store.
I glanced down at my old worn leather bag I had with me that day (rather huge and hippie like, to carry presents in) and at my salt stained boots, and my green woolen gloves had genuine holes in them...so I discounted the option of him thinking me rich.
So I guess he wanted to sell me something and thought I looked nice. And I couldn't deal with that. If anyone gives crash courses in how to receive a compliment, please share.
I fled the store as soon as possible.
And I ate chinese food from an excellent restaurant the other night and my body repelled it like a regular exorcism. I spent the night in the bathroom flipping my head around, getting rid of Family happiness and reciting the latin names of demons.
Do you need more signs that my world as I know it is ending?
My mom has faith in me and I have not. (see...it used to be the other way around, always. Now she's asking me for advice) B-man wrote me a letter commanding me that we (me and the geek) should start a revolution in the US...and that he got a GOOD JOB! (congrats sweets!)...and I'll attend my first girl/girl wedding in February! (here be room for exclamations of enthusiasm!!!)
And then I look at my notes and realize that my thesis will be crap.
I hope this is the last thesis I ever write. I'm just not...a true academic. I fake it all the time, I even copy expressions from books to sound more clever!
The geek is studying for finals...I'm not writing thesis. Like a child watching an oncoming train I stare fascinated at my own disgrace approaching. I...feel every second..still able to change the picture...still able to make it..sort of...still time...still time...and...
So, um...anyone seen any good films recently? Listened to any good bands? Done something awesome? No? Yes?
Share, do share please. I'm in a true mood for sharing.
