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The times they are a-changing
Apr. 15th, 2003 11:25 pmMy world is upside down today. I...think I quit my job actually. No, I did quit.
I've had it for some time. I have been overworked for some time, I have never liked it much. One of the few good things was the fact that it was easy to combine with the studies.
So..today I had a discussion with my boss about the future. The place is changing, new regulations, new posts, schedules, budget and so on. I sort of had my eyes on a position that would let me work around 65% (which would fit me just fine)...turns out that some one else got that position, even though I had applied for it. So..boss lady looks at me and gives me this paper, looking smug and friendly. I check it out, and I could virtually feel myself turning pale. It was a proposition and working plan for a new position. Horrible horrible long shifts and office work of the dullest kind. 103 %...more than now! Terrible working times, and not much money, as usual.
I just sat there, looking at it..and looking, feeling numb, viewing the prospect of staying, like a long grey, damp carpet towards nothingness. I heard my own voice saying; "I can not work this much.." and as soon as I said it, I knew it was true.
I can't. I'm too tired.
The plan was to end it after summer anyway, and just study and with in a year or so wrap things up and finish my studies. It is just going according to plans really, I am just scared. I have lived with this heavy grey security blanket for so long.
Of course I won't quit right away. I work for at least a full month yet (although I have some vacation I might have to use up in order to finish the thesis work in time). And I'll probably work and help out during the vacations through summer, helping them through the changes, but after that I'm on my own!
Still shaken after my decision I had dinner with Morten (my ex before my last ex, and also![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
northernveil:s landlord. He has always been very straight forward when it comes to what I do, and I was expecting the worst. (He called me an over romantic idiot when I did not take a small position on this towns newspaper several years ago, but instead studied history for two semesters). This time however, he was so nice and supportive. He just looked at me in that old, kind way that makes him like family to me and said: "It was about time Seal" (he was the one that started to call me that once upon a time).
So we had some Pad thai and laughs, and I didn't feel so freaked out any more. I'm going to do some restoration work on the apartment this summer, before selling it, and Morten will help me with grinding the floors (since I don't know a thing about how to use a grinding machine, but that'll change!) And also Leif, who's renting the place from me will probably help. No big deal, just a little painting and fixing up.
I feel like I'm saying good bye to things.
Perhaps I am, and perhaps it's good.
I've had it for some time. I have been overworked for some time, I have never liked it much. One of the few good things was the fact that it was easy to combine with the studies.
So..today I had a discussion with my boss about the future. The place is changing, new regulations, new posts, schedules, budget and so on. I sort of had my eyes on a position that would let me work around 65% (which would fit me just fine)...turns out that some one else got that position, even though I had applied for it. So..boss lady looks at me and gives me this paper, looking smug and friendly. I check it out, and I could virtually feel myself turning pale. It was a proposition and working plan for a new position. Horrible horrible long shifts and office work of the dullest kind. 103 %...more than now! Terrible working times, and not much money, as usual.
I just sat there, looking at it..and looking, feeling numb, viewing the prospect of staying, like a long grey, damp carpet towards nothingness. I heard my own voice saying; "I can not work this much.." and as soon as I said it, I knew it was true.
I can't. I'm too tired.
The plan was to end it after summer anyway, and just study and with in a year or so wrap things up and finish my studies. It is just going according to plans really, I am just scared. I have lived with this heavy grey security blanket for so long.
Of course I won't quit right away. I work for at least a full month yet (although I have some vacation I might have to use up in order to finish the thesis work in time). And I'll probably work and help out during the vacations through summer, helping them through the changes, but after that I'm on my own!
Still shaken after my decision I had dinner with Morten (my ex before my last ex, and also
northernveil:s landlord. He has always been very straight forward when it comes to what I do, and I was expecting the worst. (He called me an over romantic idiot when I did not take a small position on this towns newspaper several years ago, but instead studied history for two semesters). This time however, he was so nice and supportive. He just looked at me in that old, kind way that makes him like family to me and said: "It was about time Seal" (he was the one that started to call me that once upon a time).So we had some Pad thai and laughs, and I didn't feel so freaked out any more. I'm going to do some restoration work on the apartment this summer, before selling it, and Morten will help me with grinding the floors (since I don't know a thing about how to use a grinding machine, but that'll change!) And also Leif, who's renting the place from me will probably help. No big deal, just a little painting and fixing up.
I feel like I'm saying good bye to things.
Perhaps I am, and perhaps it's good.
