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Those people that read this are mostly friends anyway, so maybe I won't put a lock on this, since it's not that exciting or confidential anyway...
Oh well, it seems my ex has found another object for tender (or at least interested) feelings. It feels funny but not necessarily too bad. I mean, I don't want him back as a bf or anything...and I knew from the start that he'd "outrace" me in finding another "object", he's just that way, even if I do like him, or even love him as a close friend. He hasn't made any approach yet, I'm the first he told, It's a little touching actually, as if he wanted some kind of approval...
I'm a bit astounded at how little I feel. I mean, I do feel sad, but that's not so much 'cause of this new thing, this sadness is older and directed at myself as well. It's crap being unhappily in love, it's also crap having someone being unhappily in love with yourself, it's certainly crap having a relationship and discovering that it's not really love...but the crappiest thing so far in my life (and this is the first time I've experienced it) is to have mutual real love and just loose it over time, for reasons that are not clear. You have a really good relationship with love..and then you have, still a kind of good relationship, but no love. I am not religious in any conventional sense, but I think that for many ppl true love is the holy grail, a kind of hidden and deeply spiritual dream to nourish and "pray to", and right now I'm struggling with my fragile belief system, and I see that my ex is struggling with it too, even though (or perhaps partially because)he's got the hots for someone new. I guess this is no unique situation, but still, for me it is new. It's like giving the finger to the holy grail, or spitting on it...and it's me that's doing it!! ::laughs a little:: But alas, I'm not happy, not exactly unhappy either though. Everything is very muddled for me. The clearness of perception in life has in deed forsaken me, almost every question that I'm being asked is hard for me to answer, even if it's just which pair of socks one should wear today.
Still, I must stress the fact that I'm not miserable or anything, and that nothing has happened with the ex and his new object yet. I don't even think he's spoken to her, but since I know she's had the hots for him for a long time, something will probably happen. ...And I am a little amused that she's 5 yrs older than me and has 2 kids...so now all you close friends can probably figure out who it is ;) .
Oh well, it seems my ex has found another object for tender (or at least interested) feelings. It feels funny but not necessarily too bad. I mean, I don't want him back as a bf or anything...and I knew from the start that he'd "outrace" me in finding another "object", he's just that way, even if I do like him, or even love him as a close friend. He hasn't made any approach yet, I'm the first he told, It's a little touching actually, as if he wanted some kind of approval...
I'm a bit astounded at how little I feel. I mean, I do feel sad, but that's not so much 'cause of this new thing, this sadness is older and directed at myself as well. It's crap being unhappily in love, it's also crap having someone being unhappily in love with yourself, it's certainly crap having a relationship and discovering that it's not really love...but the crappiest thing so far in my life (and this is the first time I've experienced it) is to have mutual real love and just loose it over time, for reasons that are not clear. You have a really good relationship with love..and then you have, still a kind of good relationship, but no love. I am not religious in any conventional sense, but I think that for many ppl true love is the holy grail, a kind of hidden and deeply spiritual dream to nourish and "pray to", and right now I'm struggling with my fragile belief system, and I see that my ex is struggling with it too, even though (or perhaps partially because)he's got the hots for someone new. I guess this is no unique situation, but still, for me it is new. It's like giving the finger to the holy grail, or spitting on it...and it's me that's doing it!! ::laughs a little:: But alas, I'm not happy, not exactly unhappy either though. Everything is very muddled for me. The clearness of perception in life has in deed forsaken me, almost every question that I'm being asked is hard for me to answer, even if it's just which pair of socks one should wear today.
Still, I must stress the fact that I'm not miserable or anything, and that nothing has happened with the ex and his new object yet. I don't even think he's spoken to her, but since I know she's had the hots for him for a long time, something will probably happen. ...And I am a little amused that she's 5 yrs older than me and has 2 kids...so now all you close friends can probably figure out who it is ;) .
